I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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