I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
