sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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