oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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