I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
