I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
