I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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