i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
