His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
