so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
