Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
