I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
