So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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