Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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