Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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