dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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