now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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