I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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