Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
