I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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