I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
