i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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