How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize