youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
