dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
