is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
