i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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