hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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