Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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