you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize