Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Nicole vs. Life
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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