between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize