Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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