I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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