Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize