I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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