I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
There's even glitter on my cock...
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