My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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