Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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