i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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