it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
