you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
