I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
