Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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