I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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