Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
