Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
