I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
