You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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