I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
