He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
