If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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