I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
