planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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