tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
