I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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