you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
