that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
