Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
